beatrix portrait shoots

October 19, 2017

stream sampling (10/3)

watching it pass me by

October 16, 2017

County Fair 2017 + On Feeling Unvalidated and Misunderstood

October 12, 2017

for you dot x
my poster
my photos—do you recognize any??

written quite a handful of months ago:

Lately I been struggling a great deal with feeling unvalidated/misunderstood.  All the time.  I feel like I'm constantly defending or justifying myself to people because "they don't understand me".

The pain is real.  I know how hard it is to feel misunderstood.  Especially if you're naturally a quiet person.
Honestly though, the misunderstanding might be as much our problem as it is the persons' who we think is misunderstanding us.  Are you maybe not explaining your feelings enough?  Instead of always focusing on that fact of someone not understanding you, think about why they might not be understanding you.  Don't label others as misunderstanding unless you know that you have done your best to explain.

Maybe no one will ever fully understand you.  I mean, no one can really ever know you as well as you know yourself.  Humans are too diverse for that.

. . . Validation is another story.

"Imagine that the criteria you use to make all of your decisions is perpetually questioned by nearly every person you encounter. And now add to that the phenomenon that you usually don’t know the best decision to make until after you’ve already made it. To put a cherry on top, it’s based on something you can’t possibly explain to another person (because it has no language) AND once you know the right decision, you know it with such certainty that you would die for it."

Though this paragraph in context in an article I read didn't really have anything to do with this post topic, it sorta makes sense taken out of context and put here.  This is pretty much how it feels to be unvalidated.

What you're feeling unvalidated it could also be more accurately described as feeling marginalized, discounted, or that other's are constantly questioning your beliefs and motives.  

People need to be validating your process and reasons, not just understanding you.

I wish i had more advice for myself and others, but I just wanted you all to know that you're not alone.  I also wanted to just get all this out about how I personally have been feeling lately.  It's pretty common to feel like this.  

Keep your head up and keep trusting the One.  


p.s. read this post
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